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Time for another homemade quiz
The fate of the world rest with some decisions...

Fallen Angel...
"The closer you get to the light, the larger your shadow becomes"

I didn't wake up this morning. I never went to sleep last night. Last night was a bitch and a half.

As my brother strolled through the door, in from college at 3:00am, I informed him that I would love to go to the Zoo. We had arranged to meet one of his friends that graduated the year before, but we had to be at the zoo at 8am. We plopped down on the guestroom bed, and I climbed up stairs to my room. I couldn't sleep, my computer was calling.

6:30am
"Buzz Buzz Buzz!"

My brother's alarm went off. It was time for him to get up. I heard him enter the bathroom, so I quietly walked downstairs to the guestroom. While he was away, I sat down on the bed, and waited. As he stumbled back into the room, still mostly asleep, I great him with a big smile and don't say anything. After he grumbled, the next thing I remember was being now on the floor, and my brother telling me that he's going to sleep for another fifteen minuets.

9:00am
We were late for the zoo. It's okay, the friend was too. The penguins were cute, and I got to see two bears attack each other. We also saw some groundhogs fighting, but in a different way. Some real Kodak moments. There was this one Groundhog, just going around, being all skanky. She probably had Monkey Pox. Lil'dirty.

12:00pm
Hot as hell, we go home

1:30pm
I make plans to go back with my brother to visit his college town. I start packing; I make a post to my blog.

3:30pm
Realize I have a doctor's apmnt. And my brother's schedule conflicts too much, so the road trip is out.

Home was boring, I fall asleep.

7:30pm
I wake up to the sound of "Hey, I'm ordering Chinese; you have five mins to decide what you want."

"Is Chinese good for breakfast?" I ask.

9:57pm
I begin burning my entire .Hack collection onto CD-Rs for Lilly. I hope she doesn't forget to pick them up. I gave 19 episodes to Carley the Pirate four months ago, I bet it's been hell not to be able to see the ending yet. I feel bad, so I burn her CD-Rs of the rest of my collection.

I learn that despite having two burning drives in my machine; Windows can only support the use of one at a time. I realize that this is going to take a long time.

4:30am
I finish with all the CDs deliciously labeled with black permanent marker. I watched a lot of good TV, surprisingly.

I finally stop avoiding the internet, like I have been doing all day. I figured I should let spirits cool before seeing if I can salvage a friendship.

As much as I try to keep him at bay, Tac's evil side came out. I call him caT. I didn't want to hurt anyone, but I did it because it was easier. I know it's an excuse, I still had control, I just choose not to act how I should. I am lazy.

Does Evil spawn from laziness, or is laziness merely a symptom? The more and more I thought about it, the more and more I realized what I did was not very nice at all. I really came out of left field and began wailing on someone that really did not deserve a beating. Meanwhile, caT's at the plate, suggesting I use the bat he's holding. I just say to him, "Dude, I won't play with a corked bat." That's when I began kicking.

Even though I felt those things I said where coming, I shouldn't have done it. It was really insensitive. In my life, I've done and said some insensitive things, but never on purpose. This time, this time I had been handed a weapon, and I took aim. With each loud bang, I got more and more of an adrenaline rush. I was having fun, and I liked it. It was the game of the century, and I had money on the home team. Okay, enough sports metaphors. Something in side of me, made it end, at least on my end. I stopped beating, but the rush was still there.

I was a monster, but the worst part was that I was also being self-righteous. I was so sure about my position, I didn't think about the damage that is coupled with it. The biggest problem with that kind of demon is that it won't stop. So, self-nominated angles may be the quickest to fall. I don't want to be there again, and I certainly don't want my friend to stay hurt. I've hear the expression used, "All's fair in love and war," but neither one is that simple, nor is fair for either one to end badly. If light becomes dark, then the dark becomes light, for now on, I'm going to try to stay out of the sun. I've always been impressed by the power people have to be able to change, but now I'm sort of scare by it. No, now I'm confused by it.

Ginnkan: "If you continue to battle injustice in The World...you will end up policing and eliminating the very ones you care about! ...Who do you think you are? Do you think you are a God?!"

A Whole New World (Last Part)
I wont be around a computer for a while, so I'm going to post the last part now...

I want love so badly. I want to share with someone all of my hopes, dreams and feelings, and be on the same wave-length. I'm so used to giving selflessly to others, that I'm not used to love, and having a relationship. It's strange to me, and I fear I'm not very good at it. I only hope that anyone I get together with can be patient and forgiving. So this is the strange new world I speak of. I know not to give up on it because it's hard; it is hard. I also know that saying that I'm `not meant for it' is a cop-out. At least at this point in my life. It's hard and I'm going to make mistakes. Also, I want to try more and more for love before I decide if it's for me.

But, (don't you just love my unsure mind?) I don't know if I want that out of life. I don't. As nice as that would be, there is one thing that could help everything. Security. Perhaps I could get that from someone. Maybe that would be the greatest gift of a relationship with someone, but who knows.

I don't mean security as in BRINKS or some home protection thing. Though I do admit, someone breaking in, storming through my house, and killing me, is a concern of mine, it isn't constantly on my mind. I'm talking about emotional security. Who is out there to counsel the angel, who can just be there, to fall asleep by; who is there to be my guard so I can finally rest. Not physical rest, but emotional. It would be so nice to have some energy left for yourself, and then share it with someone that isn't wasting it. No more Co-Dependance!

But maybe I ask for too much?

MORE POLLS!!

A Whole New World (Second to Last Part)
I've also stuck my nose where it doesn't belong. I've gotten into situations much bigger than myself. I've helped people before to only have my kindness misinterpreted as love. I pushed buttons that were clearly labeled against it. Worst off, I have found people that I can not forgive.

As uncomfortable as suffering is, it empowers us to appreciate the good. It's part of the human experience. For every good thing, we have the opportunity to face a degree of bad. It rounds us out.

From all of these things, I suppose the best symbol for my assumed purpose in life is that of an angel. My wings, worn, but not fully developed; my halo, at times dim, it just needs a polish. It seems so clich?, but it makes the most sense. I help those in need, and feel better for it. I work passively, talking things out, allowing them to make the final leap to help themselves. My work is eternal, but the results are usually temporary. Suicidal people generally have dangerous thoughts again. Eating disorders may comeback in an instant. Something will occur, and I'll be needed again. It all depends on how much the individual wants to get better. Our minds are our bodies and equally susceptible to disease, every once in a while, it needs a check-up too.

So, are the blessings I can give to others my own personal curse? It can feel that way at times. It's easy to become stretched a little thin. So much to do and so little time. Thus, my tattered wings, and dulled halo; torn because on top of everything I must live through my life too. Trust me, I'm not trying to sound whiney, and I know my lot in life is not as bad as someone else's. However, everything is relative, and my bad situation is the worst I remember experiencing. Same goes for anyone else, thus it' best not to minimize their problem. That doesn't help; only encourage them to get through it. Look at me, getting off subject again.

There is a common thing about an angel (other than the being dead thing.) they're alone.

At least I think they are. With a burden so big, I sometimes wonder if it really can ever be shared with someone else. Would it break their heart, or would they lose their soul? I know that helping someone or talking someone down from something takes so much personal strength. I have to give nearly all of my heart and open all of my soul to be able to muster the courage and strength. It's no minor feat, and many people give up, with good reason, before the job is done. With all of me going out for someone else, I wonder if there is ever enough left to have for myself. Maybe that's why I still keep secrets. Perhaps it's the part of me that I keep to myself to selfishly say it's mine? I have to wonder sometimes, is it worth it? With so much of myself gone and so much energy spent, I wonder if I keep enough to be able to love. Or if I'm meant to have anything left for love. That's why I think angels are alone, they give up so much that there is no energy left for it. Wandering the Earth, searching for one thing, trying to answer the question they already know the answer to, we only want to rest.


Even More Later!! Next is the last part...PROMISE!

IMPORTANT POLL!! (No Recounts; not open to FL residents)
It's the poll of the century! You have unlimited time to vote, so DO IT!

A Whole New World (Part 2 of 4 (maybe))
I think the only true sin would be to not fulfill our purpose. Of course, there are plenty of other sinful acts, but I think the worst would to ignore and waste your talents. The kicker here is, like Archeology, we don't know the initial question, and thus we don't know what individual purpose is. So how do we know if we are doing it? How do we know if we are neglecting our talents? We don't. We fire into the dark and hope for the best.

So, my question remains, what am I here to do? How do I help prolong the Universe? I don't know, but I have an idea. It's an idea that I become more and more convinced of, everyday. I care about people. From the stranger who needs help, to friends, to close loved-ones, to even enemies; I hold a deep level of care and compassion. I want to help them; I want to aid them in working through their troubles. If I can help them to a point where they're able to fulfill their purpose, then what better gift to them, and the world, can I give? Well, it seems the Universe is never short in misfortune, and I'm faced with only opportunity, were ever I go.
Don't get me wrong, I'm no evangelist, out to save all the miserable sinners of the world, but I do want to help whomever I can feel comfortable in the world, it only seems right. I know, who exactly am I to decide what is right, and what needs to be fixed? Well, I know when someone is causing physical harm to themselves; I know when someone is in a situation that makes it hard for them to function; and overall, I guess. I'm not going to do the do the Ashcroft thing and say, "Trust us, we're the FBI."

But enough about me, lets get back to me. I have counseled many friends over many occasions about various issues and problems that plague their lives. Situations and topics have ranged from minor tiffs and problems, to major life-threatening issues. I've talked more people down from suicide than I should in my short time on the planet. I've been the Good Samaritan, and have done good deeds that trigger other blessings. I've developed plans and ideas that help solve various plights. That's not to say that I haven't made mistakes.

Continued, later...

Quiz TIME!!
Quizzes are fun, this is a .Hack// Quiz brout to you by Quizilla.---MY Result...


YOU ARE KITE!!!

You are the twin blade hero of dot hack. All
though you are new to the game, you want to
help your friend bad, and are a loyal person,
you sometimes try to be what your not, but
thats ok...just level up some more and you'll
be good


Which Dot Hack Character are you?
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